Sideshow Blob

Uncanny X-Men #3 - By Stan Lee and Jack Kirby

Y'know, I like the Blob. I get him. He makes sense to me. I mean here's a guy who's been relegated to the life of a sideshow freak with little hope of fitting in with the rest of the world and suddenly, here come the X-Men telling him that he's something better - Homo Superior. Do you blame the guy for getting an attitude and deciding to run the joint?

We were all in high school at some point. So, we can understand that everything that made us feel insecure about ourselves around the "cool kids" might make us feel freakish by comparison. Now this guy finds out that those things actually make him BETTER then the "cool kids" and he decides it's his turn to rule the school. Rub their jock faces in it! Use what he's got to be the best. Most high-schoolers would do the same thing. I really give Stan Lee credit for putting all of that into this story and really showing its not the best idea.

The X-Men offer Blob a place in their ranks but he refuses, believing his powers to be better then theirs. He returns to the carnival only to turn his fellows into his own army. Way to make the ones who put you down work for you, eh? He decides to attack the X-Men in their home and take their secrets for his own.

But again, Professor Xavier whips up a Telepathic Intensifier to use on the Blob and his carnival of creeps. The X-Men leap to defend the mansion and the Professor, only to be mostly defeated by the Blob. In the end, the Professor uses the machine to once again wipe the memory of the X-Men's location from the Blob and his goons - just like we saw him do last issue to the Vanisher. This time, however, even Stan Lee knows this gag can't last forever and closes the story by saying "some day in the future, the Blob's memory may return..." So I'm expecting these guys to come back with a real mad on for Xavier for taking their memories.

Now as to the X-Men themselves, we finally get to see some distinct characterization here. We see Scott worried about his dangerous powers, Warren being the cavalier playboy and Bobby being the care-free kid. Small steps away from the Fantastic Four rip-offs from earlier issues. The most drastic change starts in Hank McCoy as we see his intelligence here and start to get the characteristic loquaciousness and verbosity that become his trademarks later on - the brilliant mind in the body of the beast. No more is he just a bouncy version of the Thing and he starts to come into his own.

I think the most disturbing and creepy development is Professor X apparently having feelings for Jean! To himself, he thinks, "As though I could help worrying about the one I love! But I can never tell her! I have no right. Not while I'm the leader of the X-Men and confined to this wheelchair!" Well, actually you have no right 'cause she's 16 and you're old enough to be her father! I thought I misread this and so I went back and read it over and over and I can't see any other interpretation. I hope this just goes away quietly or pays off in some other manner. Jean even reciprocates these feelings on several occasions as she demonstrates concern for Xavier's safety. I'm going to put this one aside for now and see where it goes.

There are a few nifty uses of the X-Men's powers in this issues as well. Cyclops literally shoots the earth our from under the Blob to knock him down; Marvel Girl (with direction from Xavier) telekinetically manipulates a knife to free herself from being tied up; and the Beast defeats a couple of tight-rope walkers on their rope with his amazing agility.

Overall, this issue was a lot of fun and I look forward to seeing more of the Blob. It actually made me want to find some old Spider-Man comics and look up the Carnival of Doom again! Another comic for another day!

Note: This issue was reprinted in July, 1994 as X-Men: The Early Years #3. Cover by Adam Hughes.

Professor Xavier and the X-Men #3 - By Fabian Nicieza and Jan Duursema

Normally, I've liked Fabian Nicieza's writing, but in this particular case he "dumbed-down" this story in so many ways it was really sad. In the original, Stan Lee was pretty subtle with the analogy of being an outcast kid and how that makes all of us feel. Nicieza found it necessary to take this to the literal level of including a flashback of how thirteen-year old Fred Dukes was picked on as soon as he started developing his abilities. He also uses the first two pages for very heavy-handed descriptions about how the audience perceives the Blob. I never thought that I'd be saying that I enjoyed Stan Lee's more SUBTLE approach to story-telling!

At the same time, Nicieza also decided that the Blob had to be stupid. He literally turned him into a "dumb redneck" who doesn't understand the Beast's big words and is too "stubborn and stupid" to be effected by the Professor's psychic commands. The Blob was a more interesting character when he could think for himself and decide intelligently on his actions. At the end of the story, Xavier actually ventures into the Blob's memories of being taunted as a child and lectures him about how wrong it is to hate those who have treated him poorly. Again, way too heavy-handed.

This issue even took away almost all of those fun uses of the powers I talked about in the original issue. There really isn't a battle with the carny freaks - Professor X tells the X-Men to get captured so he can lure them into the mansion and blast them with his machine. Kind of a waste as it reduces out main characters to only the most mundane displays of their powers.

The only thing this issue added to the X-Men mythos was a few lines of technobabble about the Blob's powers. Apparently, his skin is imperviously pliable and he can control gravitational fields to some degree around himself. Yawn. I like the fat guy whose skin you can't pierce and you just can't move. That was much more fun and compelling then the pseudo-science behind it. Next you'd expect the Blob to find some way to make people float when they're beside him or something silly.

I also have to say that I was a bit disappointed in Jan Duursema's art as well. She really disfigured the Blob - overly so. He was actually TOO Blobby - too homely and overexaggerated. And that's saying a lot during the really stylized art popularity of the 90s.

I have to say, all in all - read the original and skip this "reimagining."

Up Next: Tales of Suspense #49